Halachic Etiquette

Do's and Don'ts

Proper conduct at funerals and Shiva houses ensures we honor the deceased and provide true comfort to the living.

1. The Funeral (Levayah)

Proper Conduct

  • Arrive on time and dress modestly in dark, somber tones.
  • Walk behind or alongside the coffin; never overtake it.
  • Recite Tehillim or Mishnayos quietly in honor of the niftar.
  • Follow the guidance of the Chevra Kadisha or community leaders.
“HaMakom yenachem eschem b’soch she’ar aveilei Tzion v’Yerushalayim.”

To Avoid

  • Talking loudly or laughing during the procession.
  • Using your phone or taking photos/videos.
  • Bringing flowers or gifts—the focus is on spiritual merit.
  • Overcrowding the gravesite during the burial.

2. The Shiva House

Proper Conduct

  • Visit during designated hours only.
  • Sit while talking to mourners; stand only if invited.
  • Offer comfort through presence and active listening.
  • Recite Kaddish with a minyan if appropriate.
  • Provide practical support like food or errands.

To Avoid

  • Making the visit about yourself—keep focus on the mourner.
  • Giving unsolicited advice or arguing about customs.
  • Wearing bright, flashy, or distracting clothing.
  • Overstaying your welcome—leave after a reasonable duration.

This guide is intended as a general overview. Customs (Minhagim) vary significantly between communities. Always consult a competent Orthodox Rabbi for specific questions.

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